a beautiful world of hypocrisy

Happy Birthday!

2011-11-10T21:40:00.010+08:00

the girls surprised me at my door last night. was already asleep.

was so touched. never had a birthday surprise like this before. love #gfc

missing you

2011-10-30T10:26:00.003+08:00

on this beautiful sunday morning

6th song tagged to S

please stay

2011-10-18T20:44:00.003+08:00

i know from the start it's him that is in my heart.

the feeling came back when i was spending time with him last night.

we finally went to the movies.

it's something different this time.

please stay, S.

5th song tagged to S

dilemma

2011-10-03T22:18:00.003+08:00

been a month i have not updated. many things happened within a month.

S left for kazakhstan and is still there, hari raya celebration with beloved family and friends, lykke li concert like finally, first time to the Singapore F1 race and it was ok since i bought the cheapest ticket for the friday practice but i had fun and the most significant one is about a young boy i met before S left.

hes still in my life though i told myself alot of times to stop contacting him. it's quite difficult for me to do so because im beginning to like him alot. been spending quite a no. of times with him. he likes me and i like him but i can't be with him and he knows it. my heart says it's S. im really waiting for S but at the same time, i wanna spend my time with the young boy cos i enjoyed his company. i like to spend time with him.

S is coming back next week. i dunno to feel happy or sad about it. but what i know, i forget how it feels like towards S.

seeing, dating, dating exclusively, boyfriend?

2011-08-20T09:49:00.002+08:00

i think im at the dating stage only.
oh it's been only 11 weeks though.

patience. slowly slowly

4th song tagged to S

i wish im not but i am

2011-08-07T22:26:00.003+08:00

3rd song tagged to S

OH MY GOD!

2011-08-06T11:35:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Im going to see her live this september!!
fucken excited!!!

how slow can it be?

2011-07-24T23:09:00.002+08:00

well i have to be more patient.

2nd song tagged to S

there's something about june

2011-06-20T21:56:00.007+08:00

i realise that every june, theres something new in my life or i shall say someone new.

well this time i seriously don't know but i really hope it's gg to be a good ending.

1st song that tagged to S.

drive away my heart tonight

2011-05-22T23:06:00.003+08:00

i can feel it's coming.

distraction

2011-05-02T22:57:00.002+08:00

the reason im so restless and so distracted and not studying is actually because of L.

i really don't know why. i will soon be fine though

love of my life!

2011-04-24T20:09:00.003+08:00

happy birthday dearest mum. i love you infinitely~

spring/summer

2011-04-12T22:04:00.007+08:00

i have not experienced summer.

hopefully my plan to go in july will happen.

as soon as my exams are over and both shidah & ifa back from their holidays, i will start planning.

let's see if i prefer summer to spring.
but for now, spring is really nice. L sent me some pictures. his shots are really beautiful.

at the very least

2011-03-16T00:52:00.001+08:00

in the future

at the moment, all is good and im glad. :)

a dream i can never be

2011-02-26T08:53:00.001+08:00

love this band, love this song!

moving on

2011-02-24T09:26:00.001+08:00

i came to realise that moving on is not only after a breakup. it is actually when you don't think and miss that someone and is happy with whatever you do or whoever you are with.

i feel so much for L. i feel like a loser now that im not his type. i want to move on but it seems that i can't for now. i have built a wall in me now all because of him.

how long do i need to move on? i don't know but what i know, my heart is broken.

life is unfair

2011-02-18T11:24:00.001+08:00

i think it is unfair to ask me to not think about anybody but myself while you can just because you handle it well and think that you are great and awesome.

sigh... i have been hurt and you are there hurting me as well. i know i need someone to take care of me but im not desperate.

lost

2011-02-14T23:24:00.003+08:00

i hate to be feeling this way. felt a pain in my heart.
so it was for several months before i get to see you again.
im more than happy to be able to see you again in your hometown.
it is really sucks that it is over now.
i really want it again and again and again.
L, i would if you want me to...

angry

2011-01-31T13:58:00.001+08:00

im pissed off. im so pissed off. im not hardup for anything!! dont judge if you don't know a person well and don't think im easy to be deceived. you don't know that i actually don't believe them including yours!

a human being

2011-01-27T11:19:00.001+08:00

Dear Allah,

Please forgive me for my sins. Please guide me to the right path. Keep me away from syaitan, all the bad and sinful things.

InsyaAllah.

soon we meet

2010-12-29T23:12:00.003+08:00

im counting the days to see L. February come quick!

babies give a true meaning to your life

2010-11-23T23:24:00.002+08:00

i miss her late night cries. :(

back to back

2010-11-21T21:05:00.003+08:00

with me? meant for me? i don't know.

but we can do it pretty soon. i have booked my flight!
february come quick!
thanks for the song anyways. i like it, L.

Moved on?

2010-10-31T23:31:00.001+08:00

It's been 2 years. Evan Evan Evan, get out of my life!

what if

2010-10-23T16:09:00.005+08:00

i picture this with you, L?

Dance with you

2010-10-18T23:33:00.002+08:00

it may be a house music but when i hear this song especially to the lyrics and the girl singing......,

i imagine you and me dancing on the dancefloor with our eyes only on each other and smiling to each other, spotlight on us and everyone else is looking and smiling too. Then while dancing, i feel at that point of time, you have brought a new meaning to my life. When the night ends, we leave the place hand in hand and we are still dancing slowly on the road with my shoes in my the other hand, laughing together.

i want to dance to this with you L.

i am strong!

2010-10-12T21:50:00.002+08:00

he has been missing for a week plus. there's so many things i wanna talk to him about but i know i can't.
so i guess, he is used to sending songs. i was right. it was not a special thing.
baaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, 11.11.11, big day! all the best!!
our spaceship talks, maybe in our next life.

i really don't like pms. it makes me think of the first white love, E. today, after reading his blog, i really wanna move on.
i did but emotionally no. so today i am strong and i will never want to bump into E ever again!

L is for...

2010-10-01T23:00:00.004+08:00

thanks for the song. i love it.

i hope the song means something for us. heh

when will i see you again, L?

family is the greatest gift from God

2010-09-07T23:38:00.003+08:00

Dear God,

Please give my dearest sister strength for her to be strong and patient in going through your test. I can feel how she feels and can imagine what shes gg through now. I love her alot and i want her to be happy.

Dear Kak Liah,

With god's willing, everything's gg to be fine for you. Pray and Love.

Amin.

how do i tell, tell you?

2010-09-05T23:01:00.002+08:00

i think about you all the time. haven't seen you online for a week. :(

i miss you, L!!

let's talk about spaceships

2010-08-28T17:52:00.002+08:00

i guess that is how he is like, not replying to emails. well im fine with it because he is the one who told me to write him msg!

i hope he likes the song i sent to him. aarrghhh, i miss him.

see you soon, L.

dreaming with a broken heart

2010-08-28T01:04:00.002+08:00

it's been 2 years. he's gone and im still thinking about him. what really happened to us? i dunno. i was just in a state of shock when he broke the news to me but i know he didn't leave at all.

you broke the news to me and you broke my heart, evan.

silent week

2010-08-15T19:59:00.002+08:00

last week hasn't been good for me. reason being,

no.1: PMS, period came yesterday.

no.2: he has been quiet. busy with work i guess as hes in scotland.

no.3: found out something new but not new because i have guessed it.

so bumped out! oh well, all will be good though. keeping myself busy with laguna beach and study. test on friday!

some people never learn

2010-08-09T17:54:00.003+08:00

all these things happening to me are really sucky. maybe because i never learn from my mistakes and i have done many bad things.

all i can do now is accept it and look forward.

i was crying buckets when i watched this movie

2010-07-31T17:32:00.004+08:00

don't take someone for granted if you love that someone

5 days are fast, what about 5 months?

2010-07-31T10:45:00.003+08:00

who wants to go to vorarlberg???

me!!!

Now he knows how I feel.

2010-07-25T23:33:00.001+08:00

And yeah, I wrote him a msg on fb. He didn't reply. At least he knows that I have been thinking about him.

You

2010-07-25T12:58:00.002+08:00

I really wish you were there with us last night. Dunno why I feel alot for you....

the day that you are leaving, the day i am writing about you

2010-07-22T00:17:00.009+08:00

it is really kinda weird and totally unexpected.
and i keep thinking about it.
questioned myself why it happened 3 days before

the straight face when we looked at each other and the slow and intense, i felt it meant something.
prove to me it is not a dream
i cannot let go of this.

2 pictures that i tagged you to so that i will always remember our first.

have a safe flight back.
may one day we meet again.
a kiss for you.

good friends are like rainbows

2010-07-05T23:35:00.001+08:00

they bring colors to your life.

when i don't care anymore....

2010-07-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

its july! you and you no more!

as long as i need to...

2010-06-14T22:46:00.001+08:00

as soon as i closed the first half chapter, you appeared. june is all about you.
but fate wants it to be for a short while.
will wait for you....

and so the chapter ends....

2010-05-31T22:52:00.003+08:00

welcoming june in an hour's time.
there has been many things happening for the past 6 months. finally get to catch up with ifa and her baby in Spore, went to UK and Sweden for holiday, ended my LDR, partied and spent alot, stressed about exams because of not studying properly, sophie's big party and marni's farewell.

time flies when you are having fun! 6 months to go and shall see whats in store for me!

the less fortunate

2010-05-24T21:56:00.002+08:00

i know the answers now and i don't understand why but i accept it. r, b, e, h
for e, its been 2 years. have to let it go....

show me the meaning

2010-05-04T20:48:00.004+08:00

use somebody

2009-12-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

how does it feel to have nobody in the end? it gets all fragile and leads to dissappointments to her loved ones.

sundays' mood

2009-10-04T17:11:00.001+08:00

the least important

2009-09-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you rush home from work to be with your family but came back to an empty house, it can bring you down.
sometimes, when you know nothing about your family whereabouts because they had no courtesy to inform you that they were out or no food at home, it can bring you down.
sometimes, when you don't know what the family plans and the last to know, it can bring you down.
sometimes, when the whole family knows you won't contribute and keep on saying, it can bring you down.
at all times, when you feel you are not important in your family but you always put them first, it definitely bring you down.

i hope im just pmsing.

miss you, sayang

2009-09-03T23:39:00.004+08:00

i miss you alot. winter come soon please.

mannequin

2009-08-15T16:27:00.002+08:00

Oh, I wanna hit you just to see if you cry
I keep knockin' on wood, hopin there's a real boy inside

Cuz you're not a man
You're just a Mannequin
I wish you could feel that my love is real
But you're not a man

I wish I could just turn you on
Put a battery in and make you talk
Even pull a string for you to say anything
-Mannequin, Katy Perry

helpless if you are clueless

2009-08-09T20:16:00.003+08:00

i don't think im pushing. this is just how i feel.
the magic is gone because we are not doing anything about it.

what have we been doing and talking about?
nothing but you are clueless and im helpless then.

been missed

2009-08-08T21:52:00.001+08:00

suddenly, i miss my blog. and when i miss my blog, i miss sweden. and when i miss sweden, i miss christian. but of course every now and then i miss my dearest sayang.

actually i have not been active noting down my feelings and thoughts here because of my pc that has been down and still down for a month now .it was since christian left too.

honestly, after he left, i was very lost. luckily i got school that keeps me motivated. but after one month of schooling, the tests are finally here. that makes me stressful. i was actually studying and thinking of my blog diverted my attention here. heh.

work and school. so far so good. hopefully, i can do it! :)
i really miss being in sweden now....

see the world

2009-06-17T00:21:00.003+08:00

as much as i love stockholm, i want to travel to other parts of the world.
i have been wanting to visit ifah in ireland, accomplishing a typical singaporean short getaway to bangkok, going to london and the states sometime and i really hope italy in jan is going to happen....

BUT friday is coming soon!

ninano in 4 days' time

2009-06-15T00:32:00.002+08:00

yesh! christian will be reaching on friday! im starting to feel the excitement.
i am on a happy mode now and soon i will become a happy monkey again. heh

weekend is him getting together with friends
following weekend is just me and him and bintan
last weekend is him and lovely family. oh ohh....

great bf and great friends equals to great plans.
how nice!

It wasn't that bad

2009-06-07T00:21:00.004+08:00

transformers on HBO, failure to launch on channel 5 and chocolate heaven ice cream made my saturday worth staying at home alone. i need to slip this. cb texting me to ask whats the malay word of the day made my homed alone saturday nice too!

but my meals were total crap. not nice bread for breakfast. instant noodle for lunch and ice cream for dinner. boo! i should have gone out to get some nice food since my mum left a little money for me. but i was just too lazy. heh

so its midnight in singapore and evening in sweden. 11 days to cb going asian style and 12 days for him. pretty soon still! yay!

we have to endure because it wasn't that bad after all.

seasons

2009-05-30T23:13:00.004+08:00

i have been in winter and spring. summer is next up but not anytime soon.
people are saying that they love summer.

i wanna be in summer and come back listening to "remember that summer".
but at the end of the day, anywhere is nice with cb.
and again today, i miss magical stockholm.

bear in mind

2009-05-27T23:17:00.003+08:00

im not your maid.

work is alot now and school is starting in july.
june is coming. soon it is me and cb.

how niceeeeeee.

random at midnight

2009-05-20T23:58:00.004+08:00

been weeks that i didn't update this blog of mine and i guess that my bf checks out for new updates every now and then.

yes. he reads my blog.

the last entry was 9 days to magical sweden. guess what now.
28 days to all my body and all my love to him in the hot, sunny, humid singapore!

super nice one! super effort one!!

and thats what they call, the ultimate sweetheart.
i love stockholm.

9 dagar till magi igen!

2009-04-21T22:45:00.002+08:00

it means 9 days to magic again! yeshhh! 9 days.!!
pretty soon!!!

shidah and i are getting so excited and counting down.
fun fun fun!

then was alil bit.
now is alil bit more.
♥ ♥ ♥

swe, here i come

2009-04-12T22:17:00.010+08:00

i really miss all these. really really miss.

but most importantly, i really miss this.

21 days, i love!

2009-04-09T00:49:00.002+08:00

it is late now and im doing my april budget. suddenly there's so many things to consider and plan. it's a sign! a sign that im going to swe pretty soon!

now i have to patiently wait for my appraisal and yes, one off the list again!

friday, batam with family! spa and seafood.

karaoke!

2009-03-28T14:06:00.015+08:00

i want love story with you.

april fool, april soon!

2009-03-26T21:53:00.005+08:00

things to look forward to in april.

1) yon coming!
2) 3 days of weekend and lots of rest
3) work appraisal (promotion/increment, if any)
4) mum's bday
5) 30th APRIL!!!

it was so nice talking to ifah though it was a short one.
but while at this, im trying to kill a butterfly. maybe a moth!

happy pill

2009-03-16T23:39:00.008+08:00

yes yes you you, mister!
by the way, my calendar shows 5 weeks!

fantasizing with you

2009-03-13T01:31:00.002+08:00

crazy for you
you are all brand new

kärlek

2009-03-07T01:08:00.003+08:00

means love. oh no...i miss ♥ bens so much.
haizz...

ok tomorrow and sunday will be busy days. another wedding in the family again.
finally my brother is getting married or i shall say married!

so its now march. 6 weeks to spring sweden! hopefully.

the magic in spore

2009-02-28T23:54:00.008+08:00

ate ALOT when he was here. when i was in sweden, i didn't realise that he eats ALOT
but when i think back, yes he DID!

i say 9!

2009-02-01T01:51:00.003+08:00

so now is 1st feb and it means 11 feb will be soon and it means christian is coming!
9 more days! yesh, fast!!! i shall rejoice to it!

my latest obsessions are the promise and sound of the underground.
actually, is the girls aloud party!

16 days!

2009-01-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

yay! 16 days more to extreme cuddling. i miss christian so much. lately, we havent been talking alot. just for 1-2 hours cos i was really tired and fall sick due to lack of rest. i was definitely fitting into the sweden time the whole of last 2 weeks. my lethargic was quite bad.

anyways, tmr will be skyping at shidah's place and while im at this, im waiting for him. need to talk badly.

cayang!!!!

E=CB

2009-01-19T21:58:00.001+08:00

gosh. christian benson is E. Effort that is. 22 more days and he will be in singapore. yay!

heres something from him:

Christian says:
because now i care about you alot, dont want to let you go, want you to be happy

Christian says:
C.B+N.J= ♥

and heres something from me:

my no. 8

2009-01-11T03:20:00.002+08:00

though we are on the other side of the world from each other, we spent our saturday together. been talking to him since afternoon till now.

can't wait for him to be here though. like what he said, extreme cuddling!

sayang!

santa's coming to town!

2009-01-08T21:31:00.002+08:00

christian has booked and paid the flight to singapore. super yay! now im getting alil nervous.

see you soon, good boy. :)

good boy

2009-01-03T03:01:00.003+08:00

the nicest ever i met. im so lucky to have meet him. but then again, i don't want to say much for now. all i know is i want to be happy and i believe good boy can do it though sometimes he can be blurrrr.

when 2009 at my doorstep...

2009-01-01T15:10:00.002+08:00

i was very close to him though we are many miles apart. i was at home talking to him on msn while he was preparing for the new year house party. the funny thing is i could imagine how was the party like and it felt like i was there with him.

i miss good boy!!!!